If Cats Had Jobs: Blue’s Imaginary Careers

Hi, I’m Amanda! Read my introduction to learn more about me and Blue, my fluffy fire point Himalayan-Persian cat.

There are a million ideas that pass through my head, thinking of who Blue would be if she were human: personality traits, interests, favorite foods. Of course, I can assume what some of these might look like based solely on her identity as a cat, but what stumps me is her career path if she could.

If I were to guess her occupation in human form, a Princess tops my list. She’s regal, doesn’t have to lift a paw for anything, and everyone adores her, but what about roles she’d ace in her feline form? There are a few titles that are undoubtedly fitting for her.

Competitive Eater

You’re likely thinking of the people who possess this uncanny ability to put away 103 hot dogs in 8 minutes, but that’s not how I envision her as a competitive eater. Although Blue would be thrilled at the idea of chowing down on an endless number of franks, the pressure of a time restriction would absolutely limit her performance. After all, she’s still a lady and will continue to dine like one. Her strength here lies in longevity. She may always come last when it comes to speed, but I guarantee she’ll always eat the most. Grazer extraordinaire.

CEO of the Determination Station

This actually plays into a variety of areas. Her determination to be where she wants when she wants is unmatched, honestly. Despite being vertically challenged and the height of our bed resembling Mount Everest in her eyes, her desire to sleep with the gang cannot be shaken by a few failed attempts to jump aboard. Blue will claw her way to the top, sparing no legs or toes to get there. Once she’s scaled the sides, she’s nudged and prodded by restless feet, so finding the right spot to settle in is another challenge she must overcome. Come hell or high water, she’ll find that spot, even if it takes all night. Mama didn’t raise no quitters.

HOA Cardboard Member

Blue was lucky enough to score a cardboard house decorated in pink stripes with a sign over the door that says, “Hello, Beach.” The floor boards are crafted from quality cardboard, the kind you’d expect to see on a scratching post. Thus, she’s clearly an expert on this type of material. The neighbourhood cats would feel comfortable voting for and endorsing her as the resident HOA Cardboard Member.

Inspector of Health and Safety

No cat will ever eat from a soiled bowl or drink from water more than 8 hours old again. Every meal will be served on a fresh surface and with newly drawn, cold water. Any less will not pass Blue’s thorough inspection. A true advocate for clean eating and hydration. Only the best for her and anyone sharing a bowl with her.

President of Hair Distribution

I am not entirely sure she’d even have to apply for this position; the universe would have just handed her a freebie. What’s extra cool about this one is that if this position had an employee of the month, she’d be selected every single time.

Nap Manager

Not only does she take napping very seriously for herself, but she ensures that when others plan to nap, she oversees it. And by that, I mean she manages to wiggle her way into your warmth and capitalize on the silence and stillness. Blue is well-versed in managing naps and naps only. Everything else falls outside her scope of work.

Side Hustle – Professional Groomer

I’ve decided this is her side hustle because it’s evident that it’s not her main source of income. It seems to come with minimal effort, but when she stops doing it, she has to put up with human intervention. If she sticks to it in her downtime, it benefits her massively in the long run. Also, this is personal professional grooming only. She’s not currently taking any new clients.

What are your takes on the roles above? Do you have any employment opportunities in which your cat would excel?